Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Clash of the Titans!

In honor of the trailer for King Kong being released (thanks Ted), I must pose that critical question: Who would win a fight between King Kong and our other favorite movie monster - Godzilla! I have had this discussion with numerous people over the years and think its worth bringing up again.

In forming your arguments, be sure to good reasoning skills to back up your claim because neither of these guys are push overs. And if you think there is another giant movie monster who could give these guys a run for their money, by all means, offer your arguements.


Gunslinger said...

Do you mean other monsters besides, Mothra, Rodan, Mechagodzilla, and all the others that Godzilla fought?

I think that maybe Harry, from Harry and the Hendersons should be included here, as well as Clifford the big red dog.

ted said...

King Kong stuffs Harry in Cliffords mouth and points him at Godzilla then stomps really hard on Clifford, launching a sasquatchian projectile of death at Godzilla. Game over.

ted said...

This is actually a really tough question. Are we talking the old Toho Studios Godzilla from the original 1956 movie? Or is it the Godzilla from the movies Toho pumped out through the 70s and 80s? Or is it that thing from the 1998 disaster? Or even the Godzilla from the King Kong vs. Godzilla movie?

Furthermore, which Kong are we talking about? The original 1933 Kong? The 1976 Kong? This new Kong? I'll assume that any giant monkey with the words "mighty," "joe," or "young" in their name don't count. I guess I'll have to break it down one at a time for you.

1956 Godzilla: He's thirty stories tall, for crying out loud. He breathes atomic fire. No Kong could stand up to this guy.

70s and 80s Godzilla: Once again, he outweighs Kong by about twenty five stories. Still has radiation for breath and now has added mixed martial arts to his bag of tricks. Not to mention whenever he gets in over his head either Mothra or Rodan provide much needed aerial support. No question about it, Kong goes down.

1998 Godzilla: Here's a lizard better matched to Kong's abilities. He's smaller. He can't seem to figure out how his breath works. Ferris Bueler and some french dude kicked his ass. Kong would wipe the floor with this nancy-boy hands down.

King Kong vs. Godzilla: This is one that for years has plagued the pundits. The winner varied in the original version depending on wether you see a sunrise or a sunset over the Pacific Ocean. In Japan Godzilla won and in the good ol U.S. of A Kong walked away with the belt. I'm torn. This Kong was bigger while the Godzilla was smaller, making the size issue moot. Godzilla's breath did nothing more really than make Kong's pelt smolder. Kong was really at his fighting weight here. He was quick, he was strong, he had a good chin, he had heart. Most of all he had hustle. The only thing that gives me pause here is that at one point Kong got an octopus stuck on his head and that negates all style points. I'm giving this one to Kong by decision in the tenth.

1933 King Kong: This guy was unstoppable until he came across a bunch of guys who thought they were the freaking Red Baron. He fought an allosaurus, a pteradactyl, and some sort of giant snake. The only thing that took him out was gas bombs. Apparently the Geneva Convention does not apply to Gorrilicus Giganticus (using some of my Road Runner and Coyote latin here). This Kong is tough in a scrap but is a sucker for a nice set of gams. Godzilla wins the day.

1976 King Kong: A little bigger, a little dumber. Okay, a lot dumber. This Kong is obviously some sort of Cyberdyne Systems cyborg. He is clearly more machine than ape, and that gives him an edge. He doesn't feel pain. He'll keep coming and coming. He's unstopable. This one goes to Kong.

2005 King Kong: I just don't have enough information here. The jury's still out.

So there you have it, Godzilla 3, King Kong 3, and one undecided. Until the 2005 Kong hits theaters, we have no clear winner.

SHAZAM! said...

Ted, I'm glad you're giving this issue the sort of clear, rational thought it deserves.

I used to think Godzilla would always beat Kong, but now that I'm older and wiser, I'd give Kong a fighting chance even against the the old Godzilla.

I agree that any version Kong wipes the floor with the 1998 Godzilla, so I won't even bother. The 60s Kong that fought Godzilla was stupid, so I won't bother. 1976 Kong was was too dumb and slow. So, I'll concentrate on the classics: 1933 Kong, and the 60s and 70s Godzilla.

As far as Kong, the 1933 ape was smart, agile, and had loads of guile. He was also good-looking for an ape and knew how to treat the ladies.

First off, he is smarter and knows how knows how to pick his ground. Remember how he lured those guys onto the log, then popped out of the bushes and tossed the log into the ravine?

Second, in addition to his prodigious strength, he is skilled in number of different fighting techniques. Remember his fight with the T-Rex? I count Jujitsu, boxing, wrestling, and stick-fighting. He changed his style until he found a way to defeat his enemy, thus proving his adaptibility.

And let's not forget experience. King Kong makes a living fighting dinsosaurs. By my count, he fought at least three different dinosaurs in the original movie and won fairly easily. He is quite familiar with them and is unafraid.

Gozdilla on the other hand has huge advantages in terms of size and his atomic breath. He too has a great deal of experience in fighting monsters. Godzilla has also proven to be a cranky monster, causing destruction first, asking questions later. This trait is probably born out of an environment of constantly being jumped by Mothra, Gigan, and Rodan.

As far as their weaknesses. Obviously for Kong, its blondes. Godzilla on the other hand, suffers from a serious lack of mobility, almost like a guy in a big rubber suit.

In an all out fight, its ultimately Godzilla's sheer size and power verus Kong's brains, agility, and guts.

I think home-field advantage determines the winner in this fight. On Skull Island, Kong clearly wins. His knowledge of the terrian, ability to think on his feet carry the day.

In Tokyo, I have to give it to Godzilla. Familiar territory, no blondes for Kong to fight for, and a good chance that one of Godzilla's monster buddies would team up with him against Kong.

Or they could start to fight, only to become friends and join forces against an even greater foe.

ted said...

I can't believe you're saying that 1933 Kong could even take Godzilla. King Kong is right around fifty feet tall. Godzilla is described as thirty stories tall. That's roughly 300 feet. Three hundred freaking feet! Godzilla (or Gojira for you purists) is six times King Kong's size.

If you are still arguing that 1933 Kong can take Godzilla it means you have entered Chucky territory, where it is plausible for a 12 inch doll to take out a six foot man. That's right up there with Bam-Bam from the Flintstones being able to kick anyone's ass by latching on to their thumb.

You have left the realm of sound science, Jake.

Tim Lewis said...

I am man! I built the Eiffel tower out of steel and braun. You're just a woman with a tiny brain! A brain 2/3 the size. It's science. I read it in a book.

SHAZAM! said...

Where's your faith Ted? What about David and Goliath? Don't brains, guts, guile, and hustle (as you have previously mentioned) beat out slow, brawny, and stupid? I think my point about home field advantage is reasonable. Who could beat Kong on Skull Island? Its like the Celtics at the Garden in 86'.