Monday, September 19, 2005

80's Fantasy Flicks

Last week, a friend loaned me his copy of Beastmaster on dvd. I remember as a kid, when they played it on channel 12 every other Saturday, that I liked it. Now, there have been several movies I have watched in the last ten years that I had not watched since before the age of 15. As a kid I thought they were great movies, but after these recent viewings, realized they weren't nearly as good as I remembered (Total Recall, The Running Man, Commando, any Chuch Norris movie). Beastmaster is no exception. In fact, its much worse. It might be one of the worst movies ever made. In loaning me this movie, my friend actually said this movie was as big a part of stimulating his imagination as Star Wars was. That's scary. To be fair, one can't take too seriously the cinematic tastes of a 10-year old boy. The kids at my church think the new Star Wars movies are WAAAAAYYYY better than the originals.

From Marc Singer's embarrasing "acting" to Tanya Roberts "I'm only here to bounce" role, to John Amos running around in a dominatrix outfit with a 12-year old kid, this movie is absolutely terrible. Marc Singer is just laughable. He's a poor man's Conan. He might be the worst actor I've ever seen. In reading the cast Bios, Marc Singer explained that Kung-Fu is the basis for all other things in his life, even relationships. What?

Marc Singer: Hello

Me: Hey, how's it going?

Marc Singer: Fine. Say, do you know Kung Fu?

Me: No, not really. Wait, does Kama Sutra count?

Marc Singer: Sorry. I'm not interested in knowing you.

Me: Uh.....OK.

Or does this mean he has to fight someone, to test their skill and honor before getting to know them?

What a dork.


Tim Lewis said...


Yeah Jason was telling me the same thing. I took it with a grain of salt, since I'm not that huge a fan of any of the Star Wars movies.

Gunslinger said...

Wow, you have beaten Ted back to posting something. Congrats. Beastmaster? Wow. Wow.

Gunslinger said...

Also, Jason should be warned. Jake will have that movie for over six months, and maybe loan it to a few other people while he has it.

everyday.wonder said...

The record will show that Jason said that he loved the movie as a child. He made no claims to it actually being a good movie.

The best part is, unlike Running Man, I can still enjoy Beastmaster despite its unbelievable levels of lameness.

And yes, it was quite formative on my early imagination. But heck, so was the D&D cartoon (Uni, baaaah!) and Kung Fu magazine. Hey, maybe Marc Singer and I could hang...

Tim Lewis said...

Running Man...hahahaha...
Remember the video game Smash TV? Same thing.

Gunslinger said...

Forget the video game, I want to watch the game shows they showed the commercials for. Climbing for Dollars..... Awesome!